The decision was made; sort of. I wanted to go to Haiti, but I was struggling to actually say yes. After the initial call from God, and a closed door, my heart was slowly being knit in love towards this small country. (Be sure to check out parts one and two before reading this post!)
Haiti was on my heart like never before. I began to think about it a lot and was serious about possibly traveling there… but I was nervous.
Could God really be calling me to Haiti now?
What about in three years God?
What about in two years?
What about in one?
All these thoughts raced through my mind at lightning speed. Deep down I knew He was asking me to sign up for this trip but I wasn’t ready to make a decision quite yet. I needed more confirmation.
I’m putting out my fleece God!
Probably not the wisest thing to do on my part, but He was kind enough to send reassurances, confirmations, one by one by one.
One day at work a sweet autistic boy I helped with reading every afternoon proudly announced that he was going to visit his grandfather.
“He lives in Haiti” he said.
I’m sure my heart skipped a beat. Haiti? This boy had family in Haiti? This sweet boy, whom I came to love was Haitian?
“I’m going real soon and will visit my Grandpa in Haiti. He lives in Port-au-prince!” he proudly exclaimed.
That was confirmation one.
Ok God, I hear you. But if that’s really, really, you can you confirm it again?
I needed more confirmation. My hesitations were deep. It wasn’t just a leap of faith for me. It was a leap of faith from one giant cliff to another with a blindfold on and no GPS system.
More signs and messages began to make their way to me at this time. Whether it was a Scripture I read, something someone said or even a mention of Haiti, little reassurances that God was asking me to go were peppered across my path.
But then, the big whammy came. Not too long after, that same sweet boy J. who had told me about his upcoming trip to see his grandfather came back into the classroom and continued with his enthusiasm about traveling to Haiti.
“They need help there” he informed me soberly. “Are you going to travel to Haiti and help them?” he asked me.
That was confirmation two. I knew I needed to send an email to the leader of the trip. But I waited. And waited. And waited. I hadn’t sent the email. If I sent the email, it would make my decision more final. I was still apprehensive about going. The boy continued to talk almost every afternoon about Haiti. I had no excuse not to email the woman. But how could I be really, really sure that was God?
Eventually I began to realize that my leap of faith would ultimately come down to my own obedience in what I truly believed God was asking me to do. By not emailing the woman about going to Haiti, I was actually on the verge of disobedience.
Was God calling me to Haiti? I thought He was. But what if He wasn’t? Ultimately it was a chance I would have to take and trust that God would work it out for my good in the end. Either way, His call to go make disciples, heal the sick, clothe the naked, feed the hungry, help the poor and give a cup of cold water in His name didn’t change.
There was a chance He wasn’t calling me to Haiti. But deep down I knew that wasn’t true. Deep down I knew God was asking me to take a step of faith starting with emailing the woman about the mission trip. So with apprehension and a good amount of Divine strength, I hit the send button. And you know what? The peace that enveloped me from there on out was nothing short of Jesus’ ultimate confirmation and reassurance.
The decision was made. I was going to Haiti!
Join me next time for my very last post in this four part series To Haiti and Back. Pictures to follow!